One And Done - Why I Don't See Myself Wanting Any More Children

I thought I'd address the elephant in the room that seems to be about, especially when we get asked so many times 'when are we having another?'. What feels like a long time ago now, I wrote a post about some of the questions asked to us as parents, and I just can't believe how often I get asked the same question about when people can be expecting the next baby to come along. The answer is, I'm done. I don't want any more children. So, I thought I'd address that in this post.




Motherhood

I hope this post doesn't go the wrong way where people think that I don't enjoy being a mum because that's not what I want this post to suggest at all. I love being a mum, and I love everything that parenting entails - yes, even the tantrums. Since Edith has come along, my life has flipped upside down, but completely for the better. I used to sit and wonder what I would do with my life, and what my purpose was, and I can wholeheartedly say that it's being a mum. Edith has filled a hole that I didn't know I had.

I have learnt so much about Edith, the world and myself since being a mum and I can't imagine my life before Edith came into it with those two pink lines on a pregnancy test. She truly is my greatest achievement, which is perhaps why I feel the way I do about having more children. 

Great expectations

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, people love a pregnant lady and a baby. It seems that as soon as you've popped out one baby, people are quick to ask when the next one is coming along. I then find myself having to explain that there won't be another one, to which my answer is followed my gasps or 'you're still young, I bet you'll have another', or 'no, you'll have another', or 'we'll see'. There seems to be such a big expectation that a couple cannot just have the one child, because the child will be 'horrible' if they are an only child without anyone to play with. 

Sure, Edith might want someone to play with or might get the idea that she'd like a sibling, especially when she goes to school and other children her age have brothers and sisters. However, having another child is not just about giving your first born 'someone to play with'. Having a child is a huge life change and commitment and there are so many things to consider, in my eyes anyway.

Personhood

Where does that leave me? I am not a baby machine, and although I am loving my time at home with Edith and being a stay at home parent, I know that there will be a time when I will have to go back to work, and I do have aspirations for myself that (I hope) will benefit my family. I also do want to go back to work and have a career that I can have alongside being a mum. My plan, is to try and get back on the horse once Edith is settled in school, and I can hopefully work around those hours. Perhaps that isn't realistic, but we'll see. The point being, that I won't be able to feel at peace if I have another child that I can't give the same dedication and time to because there is absolutely no way that we could have me staying home for the same length of time.

If I ever had another baby, I would want to give that child the same start that I have given Edith. I would want to stay at home with them and have time with them which, maybe selfishly, would put my own life on hold. I have absolutely nothing against working parents at all, and I think that working parents are amazing. I am just choosing this choice for myself. 

I come from a relatively big family. I have a decent number of siblings, and I love them all so very much. So, when I tell people that I don't want more children, I'm often asked why, because I have a big family and wouldn't I want that for Edith? In truth, I can't say that my big family, is something that influences my decision at all. 

Children are expensive

This is something that we are still learning. It seems children get more expensive as they get older (send help for the teenage years!). Of course, we still have a lot of Edith's baby things, which are taking up so much room I might add, but I've kept them so far, purely because they are sentimental. My tiny, baby girl used to sleep in her Sleepyhead, and used to wear tiny baby sized clothes and she used to enjoy certain toys, etc, etc. Part of me doesn't feel ready to give those up, for the fear of not being able to remember just how small she really was. 

Trying to get pregnant is not the 'fun' part!

When we were trying to get pregnant, we were often told that it was the 'fun part'. However, I would beg to differ. I was so incredibly miserable during our losses, and waiting to get that positive pregnancy test. I really felt like I'd lost a grip on who I was because I was struggling. I would never want to be in a position of 'trying for a baby' again with the potential to endure more losses.

What does dad say?

So, this post is obviously written from my point of view. Perhaps, I'll have to ask Max to write his view point (even though we have discussed this in great detail!) and we are happy with our choice.

Of course, I wouldn't be able to make this choice by myself. We are a team and we are married, after all. I'm not just making this decision for the both of us. We have discussed pros and cons, and there are lots to both. It's also quite a big decision to make, I think and not necessarily one which is a simple yes or no. 

We are happy with our choice, and so very happy with being a family of three (plus 3 cats!). 


Thanks, lovelies.


A.x

3 comments

  1. Love this post, well done for getting the courage up to post it! �� it’s such a personal choice I don’t know why people think it’s ok to try and push their view on others! I would LOVE more children one day but I would never say to someone you can’t just have 1 baby!!! Every family is different! Also, your reasons are 100% true - my difficulty is those exact reasons being my struggle to decide when it would be good to try for baby #2 because I’m looking at a career change so timing is going to be a huge part of the decision!

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    1. Thank you!
      I completely agree that there's a weird sense of pressure isn't there that women must have children, and if they do, then they must have more than one! I can imagine it's so hard finding the balance between getting a career and being a parent! x

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  2. I’m an only child and surprised myself by having two of my own despite the fact I loved being an only child. I think only children end up with a very special bond with their parents and I’m sure Edith will benefit from that.

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