Why We Shouldn't Forget About Dads

After my Dad's Edition series finally going live for the first time (you can read it here), it really got my thinking about how dads are perceived in family life. Sometimes, I think dads can be shunned, or can be forgotten about when it comes to their emotions, which doesn't seem fair to me!


Without causing Max's head to swell too much, and without the fear of being too soppy in a blog post, I like to think that he's doing an amazing job. Sure, I'm the one who is at home with Edith all day, every day, but Max really goes above that he needs to do, what with being out at work and coming home and still never getting that rest that we all crave as parents. 

Anyway, as much as I could talk about how much Max does, and so many other fathers do, there are times where dads maybe aren't taken into consideration just as much as they should be.

Miscarriage

This is a big one for me. 

As a society, I think the sole focus tends to drift towards a bereaved mother. I know I certainly felt like I had support when going through our miscarriages, but did my husband?

Looking back, I was so self-absorbed into my self, and my emotions, that my husband's emotions didn't really come into my mind or my grief - how selfish is that? So, as a wife, if I was able to sidetrack my own husbands emotions, then who else was there for him to turn to? After all, he had lost his baby too. No, it may not have been his body, but it was his hopes, and excitement too which quickly turned to despair and grief.

So, all I can say is, men are not concrete beings with hearts of stone. They need support just as much as us mums do and when a couple has suffered a loss of their baby, men need and deserve the support just as much as mums. 

Pregnancy

When it comes to pregnancy, again, the woman's body is the one that takes over and grows that tiny human. What does the dad do? Well, in my case, Max was very supportive, maybe not of my overly sensitive sense of smell, but on the whole, I feel like I was well supported.




I, of course, couldn't wait to have my own baby shower, but I was keen for Max to organise something that he could enjoy before our lives for flipped upside down. I wanted him to have a day that he could celebrate being Max, without thinking of his new upcoming title. It was also a way for him to be able to celebrate the pregnancy in his own way.

Breastfeeding

When you hear about the pro's of breastfeeding, you don't necessarily hear some of the (maybe) cons, such as the woman is the sole way of feeding baby (unless pumping). You often hear that bottle feeding is good because it means dad can have a go, which is absolutely true. However, if you've read my breastfeeding journey, you'll know that Edith will not, and has never, taken a bottle (her choice, not ours). So, unfortunately, Max has never had that experience of giving Edith a bottle. However, there are plenty of other things that he can and does do, such as giving Edith a bath. Bath time is his time, and it's one of the things that Edith does not enjoy me doing, at all which is perfect for Max to be able to have that bonding time with Edith.

Dads do struggle to bond

From the moment that I saw those two (faint) lines on the pregnancy test, my world changed. The fear of the unknown as to whether I'd have a healthy, full-term pregnancy immediately came into my mind. I wanted to do everything in my power to have Edith, and to make sure that I had a healthy pregnancy and birth. What about dads? As a woman, I was able to feel Edith move from the inside, I was the one having scans, and what about Max? Men have to almost sit on the side lines until the day that that baby is born, and then what?




I can't speak for Max, and say that he struggled because it absolutely did not look that way. He immediately threw himself into his new role and did everything that he needed to do, and anything that he could do for Edith. However, that doesn't mean to say that some men don't struggle. As a woman, we have 9 months to prepare for our little baby and we know that that baby is there. However, for dads one day there's a baby in the belly and the next day there's a baby needing to be cared for. It's a big change, and one that we need to be appreciative towards dads of. 

Are there any times where you think dads are forgotten about?

Thanks, lovelies.

A.x

1 comment

  1. I really related to this post! I don't feel like Dad's are taken into account sometimes.

    I'm very happy that your child has a Dad that get a stuck in and has an active part in their life. Dad's like that don't often get the credit that they deserve.

    Great post!
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